Continually Amazed

And I believe what I believe
it's what makes me what I am
I did not make it, no it is making me
It is the very truth of God and not the invention of any man

These are lyrics from Singer songwriter Rich Mullins song "Creed".

I remember very vividly certain moments in my life where I have cried out to God. I begged Him to reveal himself to me. Daily I pleaded with Him and then terror struck. I spent a whole summer groping in the dark fully convinced of my eternal condemnation. I have struggled with many things throughout my life but to lose Christ would be the greatest loss of all. My mind, my heart, my flesh was shot. I was without excuse, I was a wretched creature full of every sort of vile, debased, sinful thought and action. During this time I was scared beyond measure. I had irrational fears such as the earth would fall. Even looking at a picture of the earth brought huge waves of terror upon me because I was afraid of God and He was controling it and not me. I remember just prior to this thinking I was something special. I was in charge of communion during the church service and therefore would oversee the placement and execution of this sacred event. Also I would be responsible for collecting the offering and putting it in the safe in a special room. Now in this room was a sheet of paper with all the names of people on it who were doing "important" things for God, therefore it was a veritable who's who in the church. I remember looking for my name thinking how great I was if my name would be on there. This thought scared me and shortly there after brought about the end of Jeff as I know him.

You ask why I tell this and here is my reasoning behind it. Once the hammer slammed down on my feeble little mind I crumbled. However even during those times God manifested Himself in various ways. I was continually trying to justify myself before God as still being worthy of salvation. After many months of unanswered prayer (as I saw fit) I reached the end of myself.


Rom 9:16 So then it depends not on human will or exertion, but on God, who has mercy.

So now that I realize I am not who I thought I was and I see myself in the light and I am appauled.

Rom 7:24 Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?
Rom 7:25 Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin.

So now I sit here typing this. I went from mr high and mighty, to mr. low and stupid and a truly worthless individual. Whether you believe this or not I do not care. I am very truthful in this statement that ANY good that comes out from me is God using this body and not me.

I recently read the Pilgrim's Progress and now I have begun to understand what it means to press into the kingdom. There is no neutral ground, no compromise, nothing but knowing and serving Christ. Since this book I have this desire fueled on by the puritans and reformers to seek after God in this manner. I must know of His grace found in prayer, in Bible Study, in communion, and church attendance. I need fellowship with the King. Nothing else matters.



Ecc 1:1 The words of the Preacher, the son of David, king in Jerusalem.
Ecc 1:2 Vanity of vanities, says the Preacher, vanity of vanities! All is vanity.
Ecc 1:3 What does man gain by all the toil at which he toils under the sun?
Ecc 1:4 A generation goes, and a generation comes, but the earth remains forever.
Ecc 1:5 The sun rises, and the sun goes down, and hastens to the place where it rises.
Ecc 1:6 The wind blows to the south and goes around to the north; around and around goes the wind, and on its circuits the wind returns.
Ecc 1:7 All streams run to the sea, but the sea is not full; to the place where the streams flow, there they flow again.
Ecc 1:8 All things are full of weariness; a man cannot utter it; the eye is not satisfied with seeing, nor the ear filled with hearing.
Ecc 1:9 What has been is what will be, and what has been done is what will be done, and there is nothing new under the sun.
Ecc 1:10 Is there a thing of which it is said, "See, this is new"? It has been already in the ages before us.
Ecc 1:11 There is no remembrance of former things, nor will there be any remembrance of later things yet to be among those who come after.
Ecc 1:12 I the Preacher have been king over Israel in Jerusalem.
Ecc 1:13 And I applied my heart to seek and to search out by wisdom all that is done under heaven. It is an unhappy business that God has given to the children of man to be busy with.
Ecc 1:14 I have seen everything that is done under the sun, and behold, all is vanity and a striving after wind.
Ecc 1:15 What is crooked cannot be made straight, and what is lacking cannot be counted.
Ecc 1:16 I said in my heart, "I have acquired great wisdom, surpassing all who were over Jerusalem before me, and my heart has had great experience of wisdom and knowledge."
Ecc 1:17 And I applied my heart to know wisdom and to know madness and folly. I perceived that this also is but a striving after wind.
Ecc 1:18 For in much wisdom is much vexation, and he who increases knowledge increases sorrow.


Ecc 12:13 The end of the matter; all has been heard. Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man.
Ecc 12:14 For God will bring every deed into judgment, with every secret thing, whether good or evil.

Now back to Rich Mullins lyrics. It was nothing that I did that brought me here. God is soverign and I am less than able to do anything other than sin. He saw fit to call me into His service for what matter I know not. He broke me, and is putting me back together. I wish to know Him so intimatley even as I type this that everything else is truly vanity. I will die to this world and will not allow it's hold on me. I would rather die than to lose Christ.

How about you? Do you desire Jesus more than breath? If not please beg and plead for His grace. Without it no one will see Christ.

May God bless you this day and please look at some of the old writings of the early church fathers and compare them to today's message. I think like me, you will find the modern church in rapid decline and decay. Please ask God to open your eyes to the truth of the Kingdom.

Peace to You
Jeff